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No,you don’t understand. I can’t be arrested for shoplifting, for the simple reason that I prayed for a parking spot at Nordstrom’s. God meant to bless me - I named it and claimed it. His will be done.

there is no other disease that can really annoy your face, pimples really suck *`,

Wait wait i can not be in here i am to good to be in here i will give you a blow job just don’t tell my mom and dad i have been in here my dad will cut me off PLEASE PLEASE!!!!

there isn’t that much you can on pimples, you can just control them using benzoyl peroxide or something*;:

pimples really make crazy, i hate them and i want to get rid of them forever.*”

Yo, I be’s da baddest b, for’ real doe! I wannabe a high fashion model! Y’all from 7 Days/7 Nights???

on the next episode of Apprentice……ME! im ready Donald Trump!

I told that bitch, diet coke, and she gon give me a regular coke, i had to whoop her ass, cant u see im a model, she was hatin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is no permament cure for pimples, you can only control its symptoms”:.

pimples are really annoying, you can kill them using benzoyl peroxide but it will also make your skin red.-`”

i r eally hate pimples, they can really ruin your day.-”-

seriously you don’t have a compact or mirror i can use?

I hope Barak doesn’t see this!

You must understand one thing, The Evil Twin is very tired tonite. His last caption was a little off. In fact, he even gave me the keys to this cell. LATER, BITCH!

Did you say “Americas Next Top Model”?? Hell Yea!!! i’ll smile for the camera!!!!

look at me! do you really think I would do something like that?

I’m not worried. I know “the secret” and if i believe i’m not in here soon I won’t be!

well yes she is black, but that doesn’t mean she stole all the jewelry she’s wearing

What Ev’z.. I know we all look alike. I’m Ossama’s wife, I am 2nd wife to the united continent. shoooo. booooo.

don’t let this smile fool you i’m still coming 4 you believe dat! :(

“Barack gonna buy me some Real Bling or I’m gonna beat him down till he wishes he was Tiger Woods!… You see this sh*tty silver Chain I’m wearing? It was a gift from Hugo Chavez! What did Barack give me? Two Kids and a Dog that craps all over the white house lawn? You can’t buy no crack with that sh*t!”

“Bling, mothaf**ka, Bling!!!”

Shoo Boo! Wha U mean this aint the license office line. Y I B in cuffs? I wanna c yo soo peerior. stat

Look..I will be nice and tell you this only once! Touch my hair and this bitch is gonna set it off in here like a Real World reunion!

I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance!

we can do it right here. I’m not scared

Do you think i can have a copy of this pic, so that i can send it to Tyra Banks

wait is that a pimple? Oh no it can’t be a pimple,

Is this the camera right here?

they finally got anita hill. way to go clarence thomas.

so i say to biff and tad, look, real black people, let’s get them to say something, it’ll be a hoot! and like,they got realy mad and BLA BLA BLA!!!!!!!!!

psssttt…..come here you! You still want that head job? You know I don’t usually do this but since you my boy…I got chu!!

On the evening in question, per se, your honor…..

Hi, I’m Muffin. Is this the Young Republicans meeting?

(In a southern accent) Hi my name is Candace Victoria Reed and I’m Miss Georgia! (Smiling and showing her pearly white with a twinkle *ting*) I honestly don’t know what I am doing in this cell with all these common prostitutes! I just got off to go to the rest room after the pageant bus broke down in front of that truck stop…I swear!

Is there anyone out there???

yes i charge 60 for head and 120 for sex.

Why am I so calm? Everyone knows the first lady is allowed to get away with murder.

What bitch? Don’t you know I’m Foxy Brown’s body double? She’s supposed to be in here not me!

Wait, wait, wait! Is that a…Yes it sure is. It’s a Nikon COOLPIX S620. I will have you know “Mr. Police Photographer”, that I absolutely refuse to be photographed with anything less than a Canon EOS Digital SLR Rebel XTi EF-S with a medium telephoto lens set to soft focus with a blue ocean filter to enhance my oh-so-daring ebony eyes and caramel/chocolate skin tones. Now, is that bitch at the front desk gonna give me back my lip liner or am I gonna hafta get nasty!

HOLY SHIT! Oma Rosa finally killed Janice Dickenson! All of our prayers have been answered!

Just one more question before I check into the presidential suite; what is the thread count on the sheets?